Two days.

Well, I'll be honest, my anxiety is at an all-time high. (Sure to be beat out by tomorrow.) But, I just decided this post won't be about the anxiety, because what's the point?

This one will be about my family. My mother in law said something at lunch today that got me thinking. "Baby J. will be the best gift you can give to Eleanor." And, I think she is right. Baby J. is a best friend for Eleanor for hopefully the rest of her life. And, despite all this fear right now (note I did not say anxiety), she is my gift to my whole family. I am a person with a lot of love to give, talents to share, and laughter to let loose. But, my greatest gift to this world has been, by far, my girls. Baby J. is a gift to us all. And, sometimes gifts are not easy things to give. Especially the homemade, womb-grown kind. They come with risks and fears, along with all the hopes you have for the happiness they will bring.

Baby J. marks a new era in our family. This is never the family I imagined. I could never have believed, a few years ago, that I would be 26 and have already buried my first child. I would never have wished for this life. How could I? But, the really amazing thing? I also could never have imagined I would be this happy. I am who I am - we are who we are. Sophie Salome is who she is. An angel that watches us and who I can pray to any time I want. Eleanor Angelina is a little punky, sweet-kissing, sass-mouthing tot. She, too, is who she is (thank goodness). Now, I am so excited to welcome Baby J. to the mix. Baby J., to me, completes our family. We are undecided (to be generous) about having any more children (due to our medical issues and, frankly, the pressure that pregnancy puts on my figurative heart). So, in a world I never could have imagined, a healthy Baby J. will mark something distinct and poignant to me. A whole family. I can live life like this - with a baby girl forever in heaven. But, God-willing, when my Baby J. arrives, I will let my soul rest a bit on the idea of our family as it stands.

A family of girls, one in heaven, with a Daddy who loves us. It's simple. And, it hurts. But, it's mine and ours.

Come on, Baby J. - this family is waiting to hear that cry.