Sunday, January 31, 2010

It's practically her UNbirthday.

Seriously, Josephine, I am so sorry. Your party was, umm, over three weeks ago. I have been so busy with school starting, Daddy's birthday, other parties, snowstorms, skyping (ahem), computer viruses, camera issues, and hanging out with you in real life that I got behind on everything. But, anyone who was at your party or sees these pictures will attest to the fact that you did ONE right. Enjoy!
(Also, strangely not pictured, the Howard children, the Durst children, Jackson Woodard, any grandparents or aunts, Michael Bourke, and likely some others!)

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Eleanorism.

"Jojo, you want to read 'D'Ossy*.' I know, I know, 'D'Ossy*' needs some pictures."

*The Odyssey

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Guest Starring Jackson.


Please ignore:
My annoying, sort of sarcastic sounding final words.
The fact that the children appear to be either painted with highlighters or melting beneath piles of oobleck.

Monday, January 18, 2010

I wish this was more.

Sometimes, I can't make peace with what it is to be a human being.  No matter your spiritual orientation, it is undeniable that we are spinning, suspended in infinite stretches of deep, black space. 

It is day here -- light is pouring through my curtains.  I am sitting on my couch, in my heated house, typing on a lone jade green machine, about to hit "post" and send my thoughts, as if by miracle, out to the world.  I hear "The Wizard of Oz" playing downstairs.  The movie was filmed in 1939.  It has been displayed via every medium from reel to blueray, but our copy is on DVD.  A featherlight, pearlescent disk that we insert into a player that plugs into our wall and, suddenly, the movie plays on our television (sent from Japan). 

All this amazing connectivity in my own house, at this very instant.  And, yet, we are spinning on this orb in the middle of space.  And, we are entirely at the mercy of a delicate balance -- our planet, our sun, the planets that surround us. 

It is calm and still here.  The Earth is quiet.  I can't feel the spinning.  I am sitting next to Eleanor now.  I am loving my children, like mothers have been loving children since the beginning of time.  And, yet there are mothers just a short trip across the surface of this spinning, faceless, soulless mass crying out for their babies as I also have. 

Earth shatters and shakes.  And, someday we will stop spinning.  With our limited understanding of space, we cushion ourselves and try to feel comfortable that it won't be in "our lifetime."  But, what will that moment be like?  Will some go before others?  Will babies be entering the world?  Will others be dying anyway?  Will mothers hold their children as they spin off into space?

Suffering is universal.  But, somehow we make mass tragedy out to be relative.  We see a distance between our own losses and the great, grave losses of large-scale disasters.  But, there are mothers and fathers in our world right now that love their children in the same ways I love mine.  In the same way, they stroke their heads as they walk by.  In the same way, they hold them when they weep over skinned knees.  The precariousness of life is brought to light when streets are full of the cries of childless mothers and motherless children. 

 Qualified medics ship off to treat.  Some of us donate money via our phones.  Some of us pray.  Some of us seek out other ways to help.  But, how do we make up for the loss?  How do we use the power of the human spirit?  You won't find an answer here.  But, in all our miraculous doings, we can't turn back time.  We can't stop the earth from pulsating.  We can't keep it spinning smoothly forever.  And, we certainly can't keep human hearts from breaking.

Thanks!

Thanks so much for your feedback!  Now back to the business of occasional posting.  But, maybe I'll try to do a better job, since people took the time to actually respond here (which I didn't plan on).

But, for now, I am shutting the computer, as Eleanor is running full force, butt naked, with a butterfly net and a fairy wand, yelling "I am not sad!  Don't tell me I can't sing a song! A-VER-Y! BAY-BYYY MI-CHAEL!  I'm a princess!!!"

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Geez.

As you've seen, if you've checked in recently, I've been tooling around with my header.  Over the last 48 hours, it's been...

(And there was another one before this that had a choppy looking picture of Bill's face...not good.)
So, I think this last one is best, with the exception of the upper left corner.  Any thoughts?  I also thought the middle one was good, but some of the pictures felt really shopped up.  I love the one of Josephine crawling, but her head looks funny.  Because in the real picture, it's cut off at the top.  And, the pumpkin, same deal.  But, looking at them all here, I kind of like the middle one...But, anyway, by the next time you see this, I will probably have made the next (final?) round of changes.  Why am I writing this?  Who knows...like anyone really cares...Except me! 

Saturday, January 16, 2010

I've never felt more annoying...

...than I do at this stage with Eleanor.  If I could count the number of times I've said, "Eleanor, do you need to go potty?" and "Eleanor, you need to get back in that bed," I am sure the numbers would be in the thousands.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Didn't I used to like this? (Foul language alert.)

This being winter.  I mean, I used to love snow lingering in parking lots and the crunch beneath my feet that went on for weeks.  I loved heavy, draped scarves.  And, long, intricately-patterned wool coats.
Now, not so much.  Snow lingering in parking lots is a tremendous pain in the ass when I am out and about with a two year old.  A tiny pile I might "crunch beneath my feet" is a huge impediment to her, causing much excitement and delay.  (And, for the record, I appreciate neither excitement nor delay in parking lots.)  I still love scarves, but you know who loves them more?  Josephine.  Yanking them, eating them, choking me to the floor with them, crying hysterically when I take them away.  Coats?  For me?  Forget a coat --  I don't have time for that crybaby bullshit.

I was reminded of what I would like while I was deleting pictures from my camera (preparing for a much awaited -- by Bill -- JoginiBirthdayPartyPost). 

I'd like soft, emerald green grass. 
I love sitting on it, smelling it, getting it on my knees.
I like breezes coming in through open windows.
Along with lawn mower sounds.

I'd like arms, unfettered,
From shoulders to fingertips.
I like dry, warm, legs,
Stretching out.

I'd like my get up and go back.

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Josephine's One Year Check Up!

Jogi is/has:

21 lbs 13 oz (50-75%ile)
29.5 inches tall (same)
18 3/4 inch head circumference (90%ile)

So, otherwise the little egg head is perfect!!!  Which of course I knew.  She met all the doctor's expectations and surpassed most.  Verbally, she is ahead of the game.  Socially, she is right on track.  Cutewise - off the charts (duh).  Physically, she is growing and fast - and the doctor predicted walking in our near future.  (I am not so sure about that - I am thinking between 13 and 14 months.  Jogi is strong and active, but not terrifically steady on her feet yet.)  But, anyway, she and Eleanor spent most of the time wrassling on the exam table and a flurry of sanitary paper!  Aside from the FOUR shots, it was a lovely appointment!

:o)

Monday, January 04, 2010

Inspired by Ranting.

So, today I had a short and spontaneous facebook-mail-conversation with a friend (who I haven't seen nearly often enough in my life).  We were tip-tapping about blogging, commenting, inspiration, meaning, nonsense. 

But, when the email train slowed, I had the sudden feeling of not wanting it to end. 

I wanted to cry.

And, not like I teared up or felt sad.  But, I desired--wanted desperately--real talk and a good cry. 

I want to sit on a couch with a girlfriend. 

We would wrap our hands around enormous mugs of tea or coffee. 
In comfortable clothes. 
Warm socks. 
Legs curled under and gathered up. 
A blanket for each of us. 

We would talk about things that matter.
It would be meaningful conversation. 
The discussion would meander.
From things we've seen.
To what we've felt.
Many long pauses, built for real listening.

We might cry a little - no, certainly we would.
And, there would be laughing, too.
We would arrive fresh.
But, we would stay up too late--
in the darkness of morning we would stand and stretch.
And, we would feel so alive,
and it would be wonderful.