Note to Self.

Remember Josephine's giant, self-satisfied, cheesy, face-straining, room-lighting-up grin as she shuffles toward me for a hug.

A Few (Very) Random Thoughts.

I have been really busy.

I was looking back at posts from when Eleanor was close to Jo's current age.  And, man, they really are/were different.  There are pictures of 12 month old Eleanor READING.  Like, a book. Not remarkable, sure.  She reads all day.  But, ha, the thought of Josephine sitting for a book.  Simply doesn't happen.  Even when she brings a book, and begs me to "read," she will sit for the first page or two before she yanks it from my hands and uses it for a hat or baton or something.

I love the discussions in our house about straight and curly hair.  It has been really funny.  Because, while E and J are very similarly complected, Jo requires some special treatment.  Her skin gets dryer.  She is more prone to rashes.  She burns in the sun.  And, most notably, she has a head of short, unruly, wild curls.  And, they require special "curly girl hair creme."  This is infuriating to Eleanor, even though she has her own "fancy lady straight hair creme."  It is simply not the same. 

We (E and I) discussed plans for Eleanor's birthday party today.  She told me that her goal is that "Everyone will eat my cake.  And, I will share pieces.  And, that will be a good idea.  It will be okay.  On June 7th."  She is completely obsessed with the approach of June 7th.  And, talks about it constantly.  "My birthday is in June.  June 7th.  We will wear pink and fuschia."

In case you thought you missed something, you didn't.  Josephine still.  Won't.  Walk.  I mean, she is nearly 15 months old.  WTF?  I would be starting to worry, if she wasn't actually freakishly athletic.  She can climb on, off, out, in, around, over, the couch, picnic table, toilet, tub, bed, kitchen table, piano, toy chest, play structures at the park, coffee table, etc.  I simply do not understand.  She walks upright on her knees.  She crawls super fast.  She cruises.  She takes up to five steps at a time.  She'll walk holding my hand, sometimes, but when she realizes I'm tricking her, she bucks backward and screams like a lunatic.  I do not know what to do with her.  I can't take her ANYWHERE.  That is the only problem.  I mean, who wants their kid crawling at Target? Not I.  And, sure, she rides in the cart, but she hates sitting more than she hates walking.  She just wants to crawl zippily around.  Everywhere.  Gross.

I guess she is focusing more on talking.  Because, although I am done making lists of words, she is talking like a lunatic. 

We have a house of questions.  Eleanor: "Why_________?" about everything.  Josephine "Wha's this?" about everything.  It's kind of awesome.

While I was looking away (probably getting Josephine out of the toilet or off the grill), Eleanor has grown.  On my scale today, she weighed almost 28 lbs.  Ok, I know, you what you are thinking.  Umm, that is tiny.  But, I've been going around town telling people she weighs 25 lbs.  Now, that's a big difference.  (Ha.)

And, while we're talking about size, I'd put Jo at about 24 lbs - maybe more.  She is a gigantadon.

Something more coherent coming sooner or later.

Jelly Box, too.

Eleanor sees a long cord. 
EAB:  Ooo!  I want to do a honey shout! 
CABG:  Oh, what's a honey shout? 
EAB:  It's like a berry shape.
Begins using the cord like a jump rope.
CAGB: Oh, of course.  Honey shout and berry shape.
EAB:  NO!  It's a jelly box!
 Laughs hysterically.
CAGB: A jelly box?
Laughs hysterically again.
EAB:  A JELLY BOX!  No, no...ok, mommy.  It's just a belt.

You might have heard I have some anxiety.

Ha.  Like, occasionally crippling.  Wrenching.  Anxiety. 

I have made a lot of progress over the last 4 years.  But, my pregnancy with Eleanor was certainly the high point of my neurosis.  Sure, I know what you'll say, I had good reason.  I know.  And, now I'm at the point where I am pretty stable most of the time.  (I almost wrote "I am pretty relaxed," but that is a wild overstatement.)  I do function though. 

I won't go into how socially anxious I've been in the last month or so.  But, I will mention my continued (waxing and waning) nervousness about the kids' health.  And, really, to be honest - Eleanor's health.  Of course, I care just as much about Josephine's health.  But, JoButter is a chubby, extremely active toddler.  She eats like a champ.  She is constantly in motion.  Eleanor is much more whimsical and waif-like.  She is a pixie size-wise.  And let's face it, from day one of her little life, all I've known is to worry about her survival. She is long on personality, but sometimes, her tiny size coupled with how little she eats makes me nervous to say the least. 

I know, those things alone are silly to fret about.  But, I've been worrying that she's more tired than usual.  True, she doesn't nap.  And, true we've been very busy the last few weeks, where we've spent most of the Winter in hibernation mode.  And, mostly, she's getting to be a kid, so she doesn't want to run around the house with abandon.  And, if you've seen her out and about, you know she doesn't tire out with great ease. 

So, now I've made myself feel silly.  But, I can't help but be nervous.  I know from real life that scary things can happen (and the internet certainly doesn't help allay those fears).  It is very likely that everything is fine.  She never gets sick, nor does she have any symptoms of any bigger problems.  And, everyone I know tells me I'm being crazy.  (And they have been saying it since she was a newborn.)  But, my goodness, I love these girls.  I just want them to be safe and healthy, and I harry myself about them in the only ways I know how.

That's it for now.

I'm calling it Spring.

In Maryland, we have a whole lot of 30 degree weather, about a week or two of the 40s, and on into the glorious 50s.  Today, it even topped off around 60.  It was amazing.  Eleanor decided it was "warm enough for flip flops" and we went to the park!  The girls had a blast.  They climbed the rock structure.  I say "they" because Josephine was in full kid mode.  And, in the 30 seconds I was looking away, had gotten to the second tier.  Josephine is my busy little turkey!  :o)

But, there were a few heart breaking moments, where Eleanor was shirked by other little girls.  (Next time, Abigail, we're taking you whether you like it or not.  Just kidding, but we did miss you.)

At one point, E was driving the steering wheel and two little girls right around her age sauntered up.  One (who was a bit aggressive) pointed right in E's stickered face and said, "You're funny!"  And her friend said "Yeah, you're funny!"  Eleanor looked hurt briefly, and then said "I'm not funny!  I am driving a choo choo train with my mommy and Jofine.  And you can ride!  All aboard! Toot toot!!!"  The little girls laughed in her face and ran off.  Eleanor looked down and said, "I guess them don't want to ride my train."  I admit, I almost cried.  But, I don't want Eleanor to think she needs to cry every time someone doesn't want to play with her, so I sat down on her "train" and foolishly yelled "Choo Choo!!!" with a full fist pump.  That seemed to do the trick.

And, the next time the girls ran by, E told them that her "train shoots out candy - want some!?"  And, all two year old girls want imaginary candy.  So, the one snatched the "candy" and ran away.  But, the other thanked her and sat down to ride.  It was really nice.

Later, as we were leaving, I told Eleanor to say goodbye to her friends, meaning the whole group of kids.  Eleanor turned to the playground and said, "Bye friends!  Bye...friends.  Wait a minute...we not have any friends."  Heart.  Breaking.

So, when she got a safe distance away, she yelled "We gonna leave now!  We gonna leave!  We're leaving!"  When it appeared no one was going to respond, she did something so Napoleon Dynamite, and yelled "DON'T COME!" and ran off, head down, pushing her stroller.

It's so interesting watching her deal with real kid issues.  Even if it hurts.  And, anyway, it doesn't hurt her.  She is indefatigable in that regard.  But, still, later I hugged her extra tight and told her what a great job she did.  :o)

Eleanor Update.

Even though I post plenty of her funny moments, I've been pretty slack with the Eleanor updates lately.  I guess becausee there are no real milestones to keep record of.  But, here are the things going on in Eleanor's world.

She occasionally insists on being called E.  Sometimes Ella Bella.  Sometimes Angelina. 
She loves all things princess. 
She talks incessantly about her friends.
She uses words like "clever," "darling," "magic," "delicious," "devious," and "sparkling."
She loves pink and fuschia.  They are "[her] colors."
She calls her cow "Cowwy Boy."
She likes to tease, and we are trying to work on doing that in appropriate situations.  (As in, appropriate:  Mo-ommy, you look so si-llly."  Inappropriate: "Abiga-aaail, I have a baby and you do-on't.")
She likes to narrate.  Again, we are trying to make sure that's done with a good heart. (As in, helpful: "Mommy, Josephine ate all her blueberries! Her need more!"  Not as helpful, "Her pooped! Her needs her diaper changed." While hovering over a diaper being already being changed.)
She likes to dance, read, run, spin, slide, jump. 
She is coming out of the tantrum phase quite nicely. 
She is friendly almost all the time.
She likes cutting paper with "lizzors."

She is still tiny in size, and big in spirit!

Showing her how it's done.

So, Josephine won't walk.  She'll take a few steps here and there now.  And she can climb chairs, benches, stairs, etc.  And she just this moment took some steps off into the middle of the room (as in, with no other cruising-destination). 

Oh, wait fifteen minute break, and this second, I just walked into the bathroom and found Jo standing on Eleanor's stool at the sink.  That's not dangerous. 

But, anyway, a few minutes ago, I told Josephine, who I am convinced won't transition to walking because she wants to be held every second, "Ok, you need to just walk.  Look, watch Eleanor.  Eleanor, show Jo Butter how you walk." 

"OK!" Eleanor took off walking.  With purpose.  With style.  Right into the kitchen table.  With her face.

Closer to Midnight than Bedtime.

*Not captured are three other beautiful Criss Kids.

Babies in my blanket.

Sometimes, I roll my eyes at my kids when they sass me.
Sometimes, so we all look tough, I dismiss them as overreacting when they are weeping over a stubbed toe.
Sometimes, I shrug when they get their feelings hurt, because I want them to get thick skins, and I want to appear thick-skinned myself.
Sometimes, I walk away when they whine at me.
Sometimes, I am on the phone and making them lunch and I tell them to back up, because I can't triple-task.
Sometimes, I put them down so I can type a paper or blog for a moment without them banging the keys.

But, when I hang up the phone and close the laptop and everyone goes home...

Sometimes, I gather all three of us up into a warm blanket and carry them around the house together. While they're all wrapped up, I kiss my favorite spot under their chins, and I lightly scratch their hair and they giggle. And Eleanor calls me her "darlin'" and Josephine repeats after her.