I can't believe...

...that my baby Jogini is NINE MONTHS OLD. Sorry for the caps (which are generally not my style), but holy moly. She was a more demanding newborn than Miss Eleanor, and we thought she just might stay that way. But, it simply isn't true. She is like a great slice of cherry pie. Satisfying, solid, sweet, and just downright wonderful. (And, often sticky.)

Here are some facts about her:

Josephine can totally crawl! And, she's getting faster every day. (Because Eleanor crawled a full two months later than this, for the most part it's new to me. It's a different world, haha.)

Jogini MacPhini loves to eat. She's never met a food she doesn't like.

Jogi Bean says "hi," "momma," "da-ee," and "laaaa-la." These are somewhat loose, especially "laaaa-la," which is not, of course, a real word. It does, however, refer to "Lamby Lamby," her new chosen lovey stuffy, named by Eleanor.

Baby Jojo does not pull up much. She's done it a few times, but not in any consistent way. (She's been using her energy learning to crawl, I suppose!)

Jog' Mac Jog' likes to pull the covers off of the floor vents and dig around inside.

The Bean Mac Pheen waves. It's a tiny little wave, but it's clear.

Princess Josephine-Puddin' Pop* dances! This is one of the greatest developments - ever, in my life! Any time music comes on (and often that's when she crawls over to the fridge and pushes the button on the "Farmer Tad" toy), Josephine bobs in rhythm. And, even better is when she kicks her feet alternately in rhythm as well. It's the best.

Jogi Princess Pea has zero teeth. What on Earth? :o)

Jogi is the sweetest little thing. Or decidedly medium-large sized thing, I guess. Here are her nine month stats:

Weight: 20 lbs 4 oz - (50-75%ile)
Length: 27 3/4 inches (50%ile)
Head Circumference: 17 3/4 inches (75%ile)

*I realize I've gone too far with this one, but I DO call her that.

Eleanorism.

"Mommy, sit down! You're my bench!"

(Cute, right? Except that bench sounds a like more b*tch. Then, it's a little disturbing.)

Autumn is a nicer way to say Fall.

But neither one is so bad. It speaks of the very two-ness, the diunital nature, of the Fall experience in this house. How can something be two things in one moment? How can a feeling be felt twice over? How can I be two whole selves simultaneously? It is absolutely amazing.

Right this moment, I have that distinct ripping apart feeling of Fall. I sense decorations going up all around me, building upon themselves like monolithic reminders. I smell leaves burning. I see my breath as stand outside - watching the sun rising, casting golden sidelong glances at my house.

I feel that longing to go back. My heart wrenches and remembers. Those wounds I believed had healed over - they feel fresh and new. And yet, as I begin to writhe and twist with the pain of great-anticipation-followed-by-great-agony, I don't quite get to the agony phase. The agony used to be the crescendo. The crying was the main event. But, not any more. Now, my heart swells as I remember how I waited for my angel girl. I used to feel the searing pain along with the waiting, as glints of Autumnal light began to Fall. But, now I don't quite get that far. There is the weight of anticipation. My heart is heavy.

Fall. Autumn. Heavy. Pregnant. Loss. Feelings. Heavy. Explosive. Deep. Bellows. Heavy.

But, somehow, I am not fallen. The weight is heavy, but I am up and I am running with it. The colder air fills my lungs, and the hurt of what would have been, the anticipation of one girl, is replaced with what Autumn will be this year.

What am I trying to say? In the fewest words? How can I capture what I mean? How can I say that is still hurts, but the hurt isn't all there is?

October 31st (and the days that surround it), the days of the hollowest chasm and the most intense pain and longing, will be just those days. They will be those perfect, beautiful poetic days and they will be just those days with my lovely little family. We will miss and visit, and surely we will cry, but we will get up and suck in some sweet, cold air and carve pumpkins and take pictures and wrestle and laugh and rake leaves. And, it will hurt, and I will wear it plainly on my face, but it will be heavenly, and I will wear that, too.

Curly Jo.

I am not entirely sure you can see it here, but this crawling, talking, pulling-up, ever-smiling, growing-way-too-fast baby has some curls coming in. I feel so lucky to have her and so excited for each day watching her grow. Lately, I've had this distinct feeling that the heavens came together just right to knit my little Jogini. She is all lovely and joyful things rolled into one.

Jogini MacPhini.

I fully suggest muting this as you watch it, as my crooning is particularly irritating here.

Interrogating Eleanor.

What is your favorite animal?
Abigail. A doggy.

What is your favorite food?
Cheese.

What is your sister's name?
Baby Jojo.

What is your nickname for Daddy?
Kitty Daddy.

Why do you call him Kitty Daddy?
I love Kitty Daddy. He's a buddy daddy.

What is your favorite color?
Blue. Red.

What do you love most about Mommy?
Love the colored circles* on Mommy's neck? I love Mommy's arms.

What do you love most about Gigi Gramma?
I love her shoes. I love her arms.

What do you love most about Mimi?
I love her shoes, too. Also, her leg. She loves Baby Jojo.

What do you love most about the baby?
I love the baby's feet. I love her arms.

What your favorite thing to do?
Touch the buttons. I love the buttons.

Who is your best friend?
Mommy.

Oh really?
Yes. Now, watch a Strawberry Cake.

*moles.

Italicized are the answers from five minutes later.

Josephine's Baptism!

So, we (finally) had Josephine's baptism this past Sunday. Below are some pictures I stole from Krissie. Josephine's Godparents are Levi (father of our beloved Criss Kids), Krissie, and Maura! We are so excited to have this new bond to share with them!

Also, I know there are reasons to christen infants. But, I'll tell you what, no one could have looked more angelic than almost nine month old Josephine Marie.

Eleanorism.

"Mommy has the money. Daddy has no monies."

Eleanorism

"My snot bubbles all gone. I licked 'em all up."

Don't Work on Your Touchdown Dance Yet, Eleanor...

...because I've got a bad feeling about this.

We Take Losing Seriously.

The Pleasure and the Pains...

...of being small.

Little Lopsided Uvula.

I Heard a Rumor...

...that you absolutely would not make it through today without a Josephine Fix.*

*lies

Eleanorism.

"I roll with dirty money."

The Little Self.

Found Art.

So, as I mentioned before, Eleanor takes some legit pictures. Often, she takes pictures of Josephine or me, or even self-portraits. But, in this post are some objects of found art.

Eleanorism.

Sung sweetly in her crib, heard over the monitor:

I'm a naked time daaaancer.
Just a blanket and my shooooes.

One odd nugget.

I realized today that Josephine does not drool. At all. Ever. Not once.

Is that maybe proof of the fact that she will never actually get teeth? I mean, she is over eight months old. And, no teeth.

She still drinks a heck of a lot of milk, but she also eats baby food, grilled cheese, pancakes, puffs, pb&j, pizza, cut up fruit, cheese, crayons, paper, string, paint, backpacks, stick horses, etc. I mean, Baby Jogi loves to eat - and she will eat anything she can steal from her sister. I am right now, in the name of her ever expanding, increasingly robust and delightful waistline, officially submitting a request for a tooth or two.

Eleanorism #2, and Bringing the Renaissance Back.

"Mommy, your tummy gross, uh uh, that dirt* on it? Hahahaha, Mommy's body. Hehehehaha. Mommy's body. Oh no...hehe."

So the painful realization is pretty much summed up right there. Eleanor takes some pretty fly, arty pictures. And, she was snapping pictures of me this morning. This happened to be a very lazy morning, so I was actually wearing a bra and underpants. (Don't judge, you know you've done it. :o)) And, Eleanor was just loving photographing the computer, my school papers, and by default my body. ("Cheese, paper." "Cheese, 'puter." "Cheese, breasts.") So, then we went to scroll through her handiwork. And, yikes, what the eff is that? My freaking body. Dessimated by pregnancy and nursing. Horrifying. That's a good reason to drop out of the bikini contest I'm signed up for next weekend, right? Haha. But, seriously, the only bonus here is that, in the Renaissance, women with bodies like this one were captured in art for enternity and lauded for their beauty. Oh, how aesthetics change. But, I've decided to bring the Renaissance back.

*She was referring to stretchmarks.

Eleanorism #1*

"Mommy? Your boobs hurt?"

*1,000,000.

Autumn Haiku

New swell of feelings
Emotions swirl like fell leaves
Pleasant fall mixture

Swings slides pottyhouse
Digging in smokey dirt smells
Naps after cocoa

Tights boots and leggings
Jeans staple black turtleneck
Pumpkin head baby

Scarves on horizon
Sandwiches in raked up piles
Glad tears on pumpkins

Trees changing color
Nights get chilly wind is crisp
Earth is jazzed for Fall

This Morning.

So, I am sitting here on the computer, in my wonderful warm bed, drinking a nice tall cup of instant coffee. Eeeek. Instant coffee? Don't ask.

The monitor is on, and both girls are awake in their beds. I know I should get them at some point, but they are playing so nicely and my bed is so comfortable. One of my favorite things to do is to listen to them over the monitor. Here are the things I've heard so far:

Eleanor beat boxing. (Her new thing is to say "Dubba dubba dubba, dub dub dub, ba ba ba, Dubba dubba dubba dubba Duh duh duh. It's really fast and really funny.)

Josephine trying to pull up, falling and getting frustrated. (Not so funny in the traditional sense.)

Josephine coughs. Eleanor replies, "Baby, you ok? Jojo, you chokin'?"

Josephine calling for me, "Momma! Momma!"

OK, this is boring post. Bye for now.

Try to make it to the end for Eleanor's...

SILLY FACE!

Josegreen.

Morning JumbleRumble.

They're melting.

Given my previous post, it makes sense that the only picture I have of Max is of him luxuriating on the slide. After three full hours of tire park mania, this kids were starting to fade. (However, it is of note how well behaved they all were even in their exhaustion.)

Eleanor and Abigail.

*It is of note that I always forget to turn on the "sport" setting on my camera. So, I always end up with blurry action shots. And, with kids this age, they are essentially all action shots. So, these are blurry at best (although I tried to art them up a little to make up for it). And, the pictures I have of the girls' buddy, Max, are completely unrecognizable. He is simply too fast. :o)