Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Speaking of honesty (thanks Mary!).

I am not sure I am the mom - or the person- I ever thought I would be. Here are the nine worst things I do and what makes me ok with doing them. Plus a confusing little bonus about me.

1) Sometimes when Eleanor is tantruming hard - which happens a good few times a day - I mock her. I very rarely do this, as in four times ever, but when she's been hoarsely yelling for 15 minutes, it feels so good. She then yells, "STOP!" And I say, "Then you stop." She does not. She doesn't usually get what she's freaking out about.



2) We make cookies from scratch at least three times a week. I let Eleanor eat SO much cookie dough. Like 5 spoonfuls of dough. (To my tiny bit of credit, we do use a powder egg replacer, so no danger there.) At least they are homemade.



3) Eleanor has watched 40 Year Old Virgin. Enough said. She knows the words to many books, because we don't always sit around watching R movies.



4) Sometimes, Eleanor finds Josephine's pacifiers around. And, I don't exactly-always-every-time stop her when she puts them in her mouth. I am working on this one.



5) We all know I let her drink black coffee. Just a sip.



6) Josephine pretty much avoids the mockery and amphetamines, but I'll be darned if I don't sometimes swaddle her and plunk her in bed wide awake in hopes we can catch a snooze. My waning sanity is important to me and she is a newborn, so happy to pass out.



7) Eleanor sometimes wakes up before I am ready. And, I let her "hang out" in the crib for a bit. She loves it.

8) I feed Eleanor canned vegetables. Get over it, they're still vegetables. And, the salt-free kind.

9) Josephine watches House with me - every single day. She can't see more than a few feet in front of her own face.

BONUS (about me): I occasionally listen to Christian rock. Not often, but when I do I Christian-rock out. It's catchy.

Monday, March 30, 2009

The girls are napping...

...and I had planned to write about something serious. A bit of a personal crisis (of belief and lifestyle) I think I am having. Many feelings are swirling in my head at this moment. I planned to capture it on paper before it slips away.

But, then something funny happened and I think I'll write about that instead.

Eleanor spent the day with Daddy at Mimi and Pop's yesterday, so she didn't get her normal nap. (This is something I think is worth it if she has the kind of fun I know she has with her grandparents and Mahny, Kiki, and Tom.) But, so I wasn't surprised when I put her down today and she began to play. Even though she had nearly fallen asleep in my arms on the way to bed, an hour later she was still playing up a storm. I put Josephine to sleep. Still playing. I ate lunch. Still playing. I started one and folded another load of laundry. Still playing. I vacuumed the whole downstairs. Still playing. Before I sat down to pump, something told me to pop in there. And, thank goodness I did. Eleanor had taken off her pants and unvelcroed her diaper and was about to dig into a stinky pile of poop. Amazingly, none had escaped from the diaper. But, it was about to be a giant disgusting mess.

The era of potty training has begun. I've been trying *not* to mention the potty, because I think it will be easier when she is a little older (like at least two), not with a newborn (can't exactly be at her beck and call), and in the warmer weather (pants optional). But, her interest has been waxing. She talks about the potty. She is terrified and exhilarated at the same time. So anyway, no real developments, but potty business has just begun.

Three things.

One.

Talking to Eleanor is like decoding some sort of puzzle. I hope she soon learns how to use something other than nouns, untensed verbs, and a few adjectives. Some conversations are easy, like, "Eleanor, are you done with breakfast?" "Done. Down. Out. Wipe. Dirty." So, I get her a wipe, she cleans her hands and face, she gets out of the seat. Or "Baby. Mad. Cry. Passy (Pah-ee). Stop." Or "Hair. Bow. Tights. Cute." Or "Bite. Toast. Please."

But, what am I supposed to garner from "Minnie. Ow. Yellow. Bear. Purple. Bubbles." Any thoughts?

Two.

Josephine has been having a rough time. I think she is having indigestion from something I am eating. My first course of action is to limit coffee to after collecting milk for her. I am not sure what else it could be. But, I drink A LOT of coffee. Which I guess could explain why she's so attached to me - she's addicted to the stuff.

Three.

Have you noticed how sad the blogs seem to be? Why is it that all the most popular blogs are wrenching stories of sick and even dying children or family members? I guess there's a big group of prayerful people out there who are attracted to people they can pray for - and I think that's nice. But, I know even my own blog reached its peak number of comments when I was posting about Sophie and my sadness at losing her. What draws us to the sadness I wonder? And does it ever get to be "too sad" to read (or even write) anonymously on the internet? I guess I just am pondering these thoughts as my heart breaks over the sad sad stories of strangers.

Friday, March 27, 2009

As Eleanor would say, "Ew, dirty. Oh no."

I just, twice in a row, spilled breast milk everywhere. Because (thank goodness) I have plenty, it was not emotionally devastating. But, I am saturated with my own brest milk. Gross.

Umm, can you tell that I wrote this at 3:52 am. I won't go on a tirade, but I am so freaking tired.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

The Next Big "Things."

So, Eleanor's newest passion is Where the Wild Things Are. We read it at least 10 times a day. She knows a lot of the words, "reads"along, roars really terrible roars, gnashes her terrible chicklet teeth, and does an amazing job of showing her tiny terrible claws. (I am going to ask Bill to record us reading it, so that you can get the full effect. I spend half the book trying not to laugh.)

But, the best part is after the wild rumpus. On the page where the monsters are lounging, the monster all the way to the left is particularly slumped and has his claws over his very fat belly. Every time, Eleanor points to the belly and says, "Baby. Momma."

I say, "Oh yes, that momma monster is pregnant with a baby."

She says "Baby. Wa'thing. Burp. Bottle."

I say, "Oh yes. Babies do need to burp and eat bottles. And where do bottles come from?"

"Pump."

"Oh, and who pumps?"

"Momma. Milk."

"Right, Momma pumps. And, so, what does Momma make?"

"Cookies."

Monday, March 23, 2009

MckMama

OK, so you all know I have posted about a love-hate pathetic one-sided relationship with "MckMama." (Some of that is because I suck and am jealous of her popularity.) But, that doesn't matter. Her son is suddenly very sick. Think a warm thought for her today.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Pump table.

So, quick thought at 3:34. I am considering designing a pump table for night pumps. It is like a massage table that has the hole for the face. But, there is a hole for each breast. They are free to pump away and I am free to sleep without my face on the keyboard.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Bathing Beauty.







Eleanor is in a phase of absolutely refusing to pose for pictures. So, I snapped these of her while she was busy putting on my bathing suit!

Pink & Serious




Smiling in Green.











(I think it was actually St. Patrick's Day.)

Sleepy.











(from over a week ago)

Saturday, March 14, 2009

The Deep Freeze.

A few things about breast(milk) feeding as of now.

1) I have 300 + ounces of breast milk in the freezer. I am actually trying to find a chest-style additional deep freezer. (For free. Haha.)

2) When at the mall with our friends Abigail and Melissa today, I went on and on about my feelings about giving Josephine bottled milk (which I did while we were there). Melissa is really excellent about making me feel like my choices are ok, but I was even annoying myself with my prattle about what people think of me. That being said, I need to work on that.

3) For a while, I've been wanting to blog about this. Although 2 am may not be the best time for its readability, here goes (I'll make it short). While bottle feeding does make me feel inadequate, pumping makes me feel great. What makes me feel bad about bottle feeding is the lack of nursing. Even in its absence, nursing made me feel bad about myself. I felt like there was no way I could do it. I was unsuccessful. That is a feeling, as you can tell, I don't do well with. But, pumping on the other hand gives me something to feel proud of. My freezer full of milk, the money I am saving my family, and giving Josephine the best of the best makes me like my top half for the first time in my life! I am secure that I am doing all I can and that my baby will love me for it...

...you know what, this was going to go on, but I am too tired right now. Just fell asleep. Haha. Later for all that!

Goodnight.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Ladies.

All is quite well here! I just thought I'd use the next few minutes to write a brief update.

First, Josephine. She is a sweet, short, immensely chubby bundle of momma-fed delight. Sure, she cries periodically, but nothing we can't handle. :o) Bill asked me tonight if I thought Josephine was "crankier" than Eleanor. Good question, because she does have a "cranky" breakdown around 8 pm every night. (Incidentally, this is a few minutes after we've put a very cranky Eleanor to bed.) But I told Bill, I don't think she is nearly as cranky as Eleanor was. I think Josephine is just way more needy. Don't get me wrong, we've had easy, good babies. But, Josephine loves to be held for hours, engaged constantly, bathed slowly, etc. (Eleanor cries were more along the lines of, "My tummy hurts. Soothe me. Put. Me. Down.")

Anyway, so Josephine, when she gets through her witching hour, sleeps beautifully. She wakes to eat once at night - around 2 am. And, given her size, I am waiting on her dropping that feeding fairly soon. But, I am in only a small rush, as nighttime is one of the few times I focus all of my energy on her, and I love that.

As for her daytime behavior, she is extremely alert when awake. Unlike Eleanor as a newborn, she doesn't drift in and out of sleep. She has hours of smiling, exploring awake time, followed by very regular naps. (Up at 7, nap at 9.30, up at 11, nap at 1, up at 5, bed at 9.) She has started to make delightful cooing noises, along with her grunts and whinnies. She makes funny faces and she loves to follow people around the room and, when she makes eye contact, she cracks us up with her surprised expression!

Second, crazy old Eleanor. There is no funnier child on all of Earth. She is very beautiful, like a tiny pixie. She is incredibly smart and can be so very sweet. When she wants to be. But, sometimes she screams, hits, tantrums, throws things, and is full of frustration and spite. She goes so quickly back and forth between emotions, just like her mom. :o) In fact, if she gets really mad at me, she starts to hit and almost always stops herself and gives me a kiss instead. But, I am no angel - it's hard for me not to laugh though when your tiny flitting fairy child sticks her fat feet on the kitchen table and ignores you when you tell her to take her feet down. Or, without even looking up from her art, she quietly says "Nope." Or she gives you the world's biggest smile and pulls foot two over the edge onto the table. (But, I'll tell you now, she almost never puts the feet down.)

She now knows I'd guess a million words. Haha, not quite, but close! Every new word brings us one step closer to her saying what she wants rather than wigging out 30 times day. Learning "help please" has really cut down on the freak outs at our house. Thank goodness.

And, how is Eleanor with Josephine now that the new has worn off? AWESOME! She insists on kissing the baby goodnight. She loves to hug the baby. She has less interest in trying fruitlessly to care for her (although she will often narrate what she thinks the baby needs, "pa-ee" (pacifier), "poop" (new diaper), "burp," "nap," etc.) than egging her from babyhood to childhood. Eleanor likes to read with her arms around the baby while I prop Josephine up. She shows her pictures in books, while Josephine sits happily in a half nelson. She tries to feed her whatever she's eating or show her how the toys work.

So, all in all, things are lovely here. (If only the weather would get on the stick.) I still get SUPER stressed out. But, when it's 10 pm and I am about to go to bed and everyone is happy and healthy, I can't help but realize how wonderful I have it!

Friday, March 06, 2009

Can a girl get a grad school letter?

Or a nap?

Quick rant(s).

My house is a mess. Like a horrifying mess. I just feel like, in the moments I am not feeding or bonding with Josephine, Eleanor needs to be engaged. (And, if you're going to say that I can let her be independent some, trust me, I do. She does her thing a lot - in fact, they both do. And, if she's being safe about it, it's AOK with me.) Back to this mess - as in dishes, crumbs, coffee, clean laundry, unmade beds, toys, crayons (f*ing "cray" everywhere). It is driving me the last mile to Crazytown. But, as soon as the girls nap, I am cleaning this nonsense up.

Eleanor is eating avocado with her feet. There isn't enough coffee on Earth to help me to explain that.

There are somewhere between two and three HUNDRED ounces of breast milk in my freezer.

Eleanor is hanging on me (done with lunch) - actually hanging - crying to watch "Bob" Marley or "Chicka Chicka "Boom Boom"." Now she fell off of me and is mad. Now she has thrown herself on the baby, looking for comfort. Nap time, I think.

I haven't showered. There is tape stuck to my foot. I have a pocket full of pacifiers. My right breast is engorged. Josephine is crying. And, we are completely and totally OUT.OF.WIPES.

Thursday, March 05, 2009

Before you totally judge my parenting...

...I would like to make the case that breakfast is the perfect time to eat cupcakes. Pre-bath, hours from naptime. A great way to start a Thursday.












































Ennor (Eleanor) & A.B. (Avery) take the mall.

















Eleanor is serious about "Cray."







Silly face.
















Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Horn Lurker.

I like when I randomly check out "yahoo answers" for questions about pumping and ladies are referring to the flange piece of the pump as the "horn." I really like that. Very regal. Horn.

I do not like the idea that when I read random blogs and worse yet comment, I am forced to identify myself as a "lurker." I really do not like that. Very creepy. Lurker.

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Of Mice and Meats.

I often have called Josephine "Josephine Mouse." Mostly because she is small and sweet and quiet and lovable. Today, though, we could officially subtract quiet and small. It was the much-awaited (by me) two month check up. As for Josephine, she could have done without it. The shots antagonized her (as did the doctor's poking and prodding). If she could have rolled away, she would have had none of it. The shots turned her face the color of a ripe raspberry and are the first reason I can't really call her "Mouse" - and she could only be comforted by my hugs (which, admittedly, I liked).

As for "small," she is no longer. Here is quick timeline of Josephine's weight in life so far. (With commentary, of course.)

December 31 - 6 lb 8 oz. A small, but reasonably-sized, baby.
January 4 - 5 lb 13oz. A much smaller baby - in fact, they were hesitant to discharge us.
January 6 - 6 lb 0 oz. The pediatrician was not concerned. She felt like this was ok.
January 7 - 6 lb 1 oz. Still on the up and up.
February 5 - 8 lb 12 oz. Whoa Jelly! This put her in the 50th percentile for weight (she was just over 25th for height.)
March 3 - 12 lb 1 oz. Holy Meat (trying to come up with a Catholic joke here for Lent). I mean, how can I call a child "Mouse" when she is so massive! And, what makes her more adorable, if possible, is that she is in the 25th percentile for height and the 90th for weight. Can you imagine anything cuter than a short, fat baby? I cannot. (Except maybe a delicate, blond sasspants kissing a short, fat roly poly)

Sunday, March 01, 2009

Speaking of before and after...




...here are two photos I've posted. But, they are great when juxtaposed. The first is at one month, and the second at two ("digitally remastered" by Charlotte!).