24 days.

Wow, I am really spaced out tonight. I just was thinking (for about 45 seconds) of something to write about, which elided into literally four minutes of wonky staring into the distance...

Crap. Just happened again.

Ok, I am in trouble. Must write something fast and honest before I space out again. I am anxious about being able to nurse Baby J., and at the same time trying not to get crazy (anxious about getting anxious), because I know that's the worst thing. But, it's hard because Eleanor would not have anything to do with it. So, I pumped for 10 months.

Yep. That was a vortex, just sucking up so much of my very scant free time. And, there is a real irony about exclusive pumping, because of course there are two benefits to nursing. Nutritional benefits (in nearly all cases) and physical closeness (which I believe can, if done right, be achieved with bottle or breast). And, these two benefits are equally important (I think) to little ones and each parent just does their best. But, with pumping, you often give up the closeness to get the nutrition. There is something that just feels wrong about rushing to pump, only to discover that baby is hungry, so feeding baby at arm's length while attached to sterile tubes. Kind of...sterile.

I am going to employ so many lactation consultants this time, because we've got to work this thing out. But, in the meantime, I am doing some "exercises" to get myself ready for Baby J. Don't ask.

In 24 days, we'll see. Come on Baby J.!