About the Bayby:
"The baby hasn't moved in 11 minutes! Is she kicking vigorously enough? Here's some music with strong base. Am I deafening her? Kick! Twist! Don't twist so much - watch out for the cord! I need to eat - it's been 2 hours - am I starving her? If I eat too much, will she get squished, pressed too hard up against the uterine wall? I'll just drink tea. Wait, am I cooking her with tea? What if all this time, what I thought was kicking, was my own digestion? Kick! Is it possible to sleep for the next 14 or so weeks? Oh wait, no, that's no good - sleep is the enemy. Tragedies happen at night when I can't count kicks. Does kick-counting-count before 28 weeks? Wake up!"
About life:
I live each minute holding my breath. (As evidenced by the wild sequence of my actual thoughts above.) I don't think this will feel more real, until I have this little girl. And, then, probably not then until I have her home. And, then, until we've developed a routine. Then, until this milestone, or that one. I mean, won't we be waiting forever for it to feel "real", like life has really granted us the "permanent" presence of this baby? Just thoughts. We shall see. My friend from my stillbirth/infant loss and now subsequent pregnancy group is set to be induced on Wednesday. She is the first (of four) of us to deliver. (We are all pregnant.) I am thinking of her very often, and praying for the health of her baby, her, and her husband. I am so interested in hearing from her over the coming months, as I wait. She (and my other "group friend" (due in two weeks)) will be able to tell me quite a bit about what "it feels like". I am excited to meet their babies so soon (a girl and boy, respectively). This is a jumble. I hate when I am a jumble.
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1 comment:
I don't know the exact feelings that you are having, I do, however, feel that this parenting thing never feels 'real'. Those kicks are very real. Your fears are very real. I think the fear is the only thing that makes parenting real, because we all have it in some way. Oooh, now my thoughts are going through that progression that I'm sure would give people that finale nudge to think I'm crazy. :)
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