This time it's going to be about breastfeeding. (Although I can't imagine that, in this forum, there is such thing as TMI about that topic.) You may remember that I had tremendous trouble nursing Eleanor. So, knowing I could still give her breastmilk, I resigned to pumping. I did that exclusively for 10 months. I am proud that I was able to do that, but I am really committed to actually nursing Josephine. Now, of course, I will pump if I have to, but I'd definitely rather not. (That being said, I am pumping at this moment. I will explain as I ramble forward.) There is a long list of issues that add to my difficulty nursing. Included on the list are inverted nipples, two jaundiced 37 weekers, and (with Josephine) a tongue tie. My pediatrician called these things a "perfect storm" of nursing difficulties. But, I don't flatter myself to think I am in some sort of nightmarish situation, because Josephine and I are both dedicated students. Basically, I am taking advantage of this week that we have help to nurse (with a nipple shield as per the advice of multiple LCs), pump, and (if necessary) bottlefeed every three hours. In case you are wondering, that leaves about 45 minutes for popping fenugreek and drinking Mother's Milk tea between feedings. Haha. But, the goal is to get down to just the nursing. I have an appointment with the LC this week to assess how things are going. Then, I will feel more comfortable moving forward with nursing only. There is so much advice out there and often it contradicts other advice or focuses on entirely different parts of the nursing project. And, parts there are many.
Now here is the confession. (No, this wasn't intended to be a discussion of my boobs and their itinerary for the next year.) Sometimes, when nursing hurts (which it does) or when I am concerned about intake (which I always am), I put the baby down and pick up the pump. It is a total emotional crutch for me. It is tried and true. I know I can get breast milk. I know Josephine will get what she needs. I know my supply will stay elevated. But, I also know it is the easy way out. Just admitting it here. That's all.
All that being said, I've done some great nursing in the last week and I plan to keep it up and do better every day. Wish me luck!
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2 comments:
If you have done great nursing with all the things you names working against you then you are the nursing champ! Keep pushing forward and making the decisions that are best for you and Baby J (I still feel compelled to call her that :). You are doing great!
i will say this: even with having zero of those issues, i still struggled with breastfeeding Abigail. it hurt at times, no doubt. curling toes, gritting teeth. but after a bit, it seemed to not hurt at all, or quite so bad, or maybe i just got used to it. i also struggled with being always the one that had to feed her. i resented it at times. so, what i'm trying to say is that you are doing fantastic. i probably would've wussed out forever ago since i despise pumping so much. i also don't have the kick-ass (debatable, i'm sure) pump situation that you do, but i digress. anyway, you know you can call me with words of encouragement - i loved nursing Abigail, pain, and disgruntlement and all! :) (hello essay!)
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