Lady loves.

I am already noticing real differences between Josephine and Eleanor. From day one, Eleanor has been very sure of what she wants and when she wants it. She was an easy baby, because she made her needs known. From a few weeks old, she cried to be picked up (easy) and amazingly even cried to occasionally be put down (easy). She cried to eat (easy). That was it. And, from there, she just became more sure of what she wants. That was great, until she became a toddler and the things she wanted became more varied and often more dangerous. But, anyway, in the beginning she was pretty simple to read.

Josephine, on the other hand, never cries to be put down. She likes snuggling MUCH more than Eleanor ever did. She wants to sleep with me - and I let her sometimes. She also gets tummy aches (reflux, I am beginning to think), which Eleanor never did. She she poops constantly and has tremendous gas (very funny). She is also just a fussier baby than Eleanor was. She whimpers more and wants more attention. (Fine with me!) Still, overall, she is an easy baby - right now she is sitting in her baby seat across the room and looking around happily. She doesn't have crazy crying jags (neither did Eleanor). But, I notice the little differences.

Also, an update - Josephine makes pony noises a LOT. She whinnies constantly - day and night. It's adorable.


*We are (for real this time) getting new computers. Unfortunately, my picture posting has slowed down, because the computer we do have is SO slow and I am afraid I will crash it if I add too much more to the memory. But, trust me, we have SO many pictures, so you will see them soon.

Because I am totally a narcissist...

...I do surveys about myself whenever (and from wherever) I find them. I am posting the link to this blog. But, the rules are easy. Cut, paste, and bold (or italicize) the things you've done. (I will be adding my notes in parentheses. Again - narcissism won't allow me to simply bold not add at least some extensive comments.)


Started your own blog

Slept under the stars

Played in a band (Does a two man band for one night with my husband count?)

Visited Hawaii

Watched a meteor shower

Given more than you can afford to charity

Been to Disneyland/World

Climbed a mountain

Held a praying mantis

Sang a solo

Bungee jumped (Never would I ever.)

Visited Paris

Watched a lightning storm at sea

Taught yourself an art from scratch (Does gimp count?)

Adopted a child

Had food poisoning

Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty

Seen the Mona Lisa in France

Slept on an overnight train

Had a pillow fight

Hitchhiked

Taken a sick day when you’re not ill

Built a snow fort

Held a lamb (Sounds lame. No offense to anyone who's into lamb holding.)

Gone skinny dipping

Been to a Broadway show in NY

Ran a Marathon

Been in three states at once

Ridden in a gondola in Venice

Seen a total eclipse

Watched a sunrise or sunset

Hit a home run (Wiffle ball!)

Been on a Cruise

Seen Niagra Falls in Person

Visited the birthplace of your Ancestors

Seen an Amish community

Taught yourself a new language (I won't count gibberish.)

Had enough money to be truly satisfied

Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person

Gone rock climbing

Seen Michelangelo’s David

Sung karaoke

Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt

Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant

Visited Africa

Walked on a beach by moonlight

Been transported in an ambulance

Had your portrait painted

Gone deep sea fishing

Seen the Sistine Chapel in person

Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris

Gone scuba diving or snorkeling

Kissed in the rain

Played in the mud

Been to Grace Kelley’s grave in Monaco

Gone to a drive-in theater

Been in a movie (And after school special!)

Visited the Great Wall of China

Started a business

Taken a martial arts class (I'm a purple belt technically, but I don't remember a thing.)

Swam in the Mediterranean Sea

Visited Russia

Served at a soup kitchen

Sold Girl Scout cookies

Gone whale watching

Gotten flowers for no reason

Donated blood, platelets or plasma

Gone sky diving ( I would never.)

Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp

Bounced a check

Saved a favorite childhood toy

Visited the Lincoln Memorial

Eaten Caviar

Pieced a quilt

Stood in Times Square

Toured the Everglades

Been fired from a job

Seen the Changing of the Guards in London

Broken a bone (My littlest toe!)

Been on a speeding motorcycle

Seen the Grand Canyon in person

Published a book

Visited the Vatican

Bought a brand new car

Walked in Jerusalem

Had your picture in the newspaper (As a kid, the LAURELLEADER mocked me for being the slowest three year old in a tricycle race. Still stings.)

Read the entire Bible (Bill has!)

Visited the White House

Killed and prepared your own meat

Had chickenpox

Saved someone’s life

Sat on a jury

Met someone famous

Joined a book club (At least three times, Charlotte and I have started our very own book club. Haha.)

Lost a loved one

Had a baby

Seen the Alamo in person

Swam in the Great Salt Lake

Been involved in a law suit (Two years ago, I was sued for $300,000. Take that.)

Owned a cell phone

Been stung by a bee

Awesome new camera.

Vs. Decade-old computer. Here are some favorites from the last week. Let's just hope this doesn't push old Toshiba over the edge.

Mixed feelings. Breaking my promise already...

...because here comes more nursing talk.

I have really mixed feelings as nursing goes better and better. But, this author says it best...

http://www.brainchildmag.com/essays/winter2009_peary.asp

Frenulum no more.

Well, Josephine had her frenulum snipped today. Apparently, it was adhered in two places, so it was definitely for the best (for now (eating) and the future (speech, french kissing, etc.)). It was definitely low-impact, in terms of our medical happenings in the last six weeks (ie, dog bite and what followed, c-section, etc.). And, their recommendation is to nurse ASAP. And, luckily Aunt Maura was along to give Eleanor lunch while I nursed Josie J. And, I am happy to report that nursing was way less painful (and bloody - TMI) now that Josephine has essentially been given a tongue!

On the down side of things, I nursed for 25 minutes on each side. And, immediately after I took her off, she woke up crying and ferociously eating her hands. Clearly, still hungry. So, she had a bottle of expressed breastmilk (a little less than she normally eats, which means hopefully she got something while nursing). And, at this moment, I am pumping and getting a lot of milk. I can't explain how frustrating it is to have an adequate supply of milk and a hungry baby and to be unable to transfer one to the other in the way nature intended.

It's just really disappointing.

Anyway, for those of you who read this and DON'T want to read about my boobs, I promise this will be the last time I post something in this vein.

If you have 30 seconds...

...think a good thought for Josephine Mouse. She is having a (minor) procedure done today to correct her tongue tie. It is definitely for the best, but is a little nerve wracking, as it carries some chance of infection and a greater chance of increased success with nursing (!).

P.S.

I just asked Eleanor to go get a diaper and wipes. She squinted and grinned at me and said, "Gross, gross, grody." Don't ask where she learned "grody" because I have no earthly idea and she says it about 50 times a day.

I'm doing it!

I am just jumping on here quickly to let you all know how supremely competent I feel! Right now, we are sitting here in my clean living room, listening to the new Tracy Chapman (awesome, by the way). Eleanor has a tambourine on her head and is reading a pile of books on my feet. I'm holding Josephine. Everyone is fed - I even made pancakes for us big girls with Josephine in the sling. We have all had showers/baths and are wearing clean clothes (Eleanor even has a bow in her hair). The bed is made. I've clearly had my coffee. I am awesome.

The rest of the house is a bit of a wreck - desperately need to vacuum. Eleanor just pooped, made obvious by her sudden odor. The dishwasher is full of clean dishes. Now Eleanor is asking for her "Quay" (crayons), which are downstairs. I am working on it.

:o)

My how things change.

We need to talk about my fashion. When the lactation consultant agreed to come over yesterday*, I was wearing seven year old American Eagle warm-up pants, equally-ancient green socks, and a March of Dimes hooded sweatshirt. (For the second day in a row.) I knew I wanted to look at least reasonably presentable, as a stranger was coming into my house. By the way, I am not an idiot and I do know that an LC sees new moms and their boobs all the time, so really who could care less what I am wearing. But, nonetheless, I rooted through my drawers to find something loose-fitting, but moderately attractive. And, what I chose might surprise you. Of all the terrible clothes I have, I chose the worst. The original Old Navy Millennium long sleeved yellow tee. It is huge, threadbare and an "original Old Nave Millennium long sleeved yellow tee." (In case anyone isn't thinking, that means it is NINE years old, unlike the thousands of other items of O.N. clothing I own.) And, when I put it on, I went to the bathroom to look at the mirror and I actually thought approvingly, "Now that's better." Better? What could be worse? I guess my Sons of Italy t-shirt. Or my puffy paint t-shirt from eighth grade that just says "Cool" on the front. Those would be, I suppose, equally bad. But, the fact that three pathetic examples of my real life clothing popped immediately into my head is terrifying. I'd like to blame this all on having a baby 10 days ago, but that would be unfair to the baby. My pitiful wardrobe is entirely of my own doing. So, I guess I am hoping someone will nominate me for What Not to Wear or just talk me into spending some money on clothes, because I am a painful sight, all flabby, dressed in ill-fitting athletic wear (ha), and covered in vom and breastmilk. Glorious.

*I won't go into how it went, because I can't tell if I'm more or less stressed now about nursing. Put it this way, Josephine is getting all breastmilk and lots of mommy time.

I am *not Catholic*...

...but I sure feel guilty. Mommy guilt, I mean. I have been so lucky to have family who has been happy to come this week and help me. It is so much appreciated as I bond with Baby Josephine, have marathon feeding sessions, and even take the occasional nap. But, with all I've been doing, there is one thing I haven't had much of - Eleanor time. I am feeling this tremendous weight of guilt. I know I love Eleanor as much as ever (an amount immeasurable), but I am afraid she feels a void between us as I have taken so much time to care for Baby Josephine. But, Bill, Eleanor, and I had a long dance session tonight to the new Tracy Chapman (thanks, Aunt Maura!) and it was by far one of the most wonderful moments of my week. I just can't believe how much I have missed my sweet Tot. Here's to feeling better and getting acclimated to giving all my girls the love and time they need.

*I am the most Catholic un-Catholic you've ever met. I went to Catholic school, taught at Catholic school, am married to a Catholic, have two estranged Catholics for parents, have Catholic children, and am a member of a Catholic church.

One week birthday!

Many times over the last week, I've wondered how I can be so lucky. For a whole week today, we've had a smiling little mouse, many sweet honey mustard poops, a swaddled little package, and so many sister kisses. Josephine will never be as small as she was today. I look at Eleanor and pray that Josephine will keep growing and thriving. Yet, there is a piece of me that would love to pause time with her sleeping featherlight on my chest. It's been one happy week.

Speaking of TMI.

This time it's going to be about breastfeeding. (Although I can't imagine that, in this forum, there is such thing as TMI about that topic.) You may remember that I had tremendous trouble nursing Eleanor. So, knowing I could still give her breastmilk, I resigned to pumping. I did that exclusively for 10 months. I am proud that I was able to do that, but I am really committed to actually nursing Josephine. Now, of course, I will pump if I have to, but I'd definitely rather not. (That being said, I am pumping at this moment. I will explain as I ramble forward.) There is a long list of issues that add to my difficulty nursing. Included on the list are inverted nipples, two jaundiced 37 weekers, and (with Josephine) a tongue tie. My pediatrician called these things a "perfect storm" of nursing difficulties. But, I don't flatter myself to think I am in some sort of nightmarish situation, because Josephine and I are both dedicated students. Basically, I am taking advantage of this week that we have help to nurse (with a nipple shield as per the advice of multiple LCs), pump, and (if necessary) bottlefeed every three hours. In case you are wondering, that leaves about 45 minutes for popping fenugreek and drinking Mother's Milk tea between feedings. Haha. But, the goal is to get down to just the nursing. I have an appointment with the LC this week to assess how things are going. Then, I will feel more comfortable moving forward with nursing only. There is so much advice out there and often it contradicts other advice or focuses on entirely different parts of the nursing project. And, parts there are many.

Now here is the confession. (No, this wasn't intended to be a discussion of my boobs and their itinerary for the next year.) Sometimes, when nursing hurts (which it does) or when I am concerned about intake (which I always am), I put the baby down and pick up the pump. It is a total emotional crutch for me. It is tried and true. I know I can get breast milk. I know Josephine will get what she needs. I know my supply will stay elevated. But, I also know it is the easy way out. Just admitting it here. That's all.

All that being said, I've done some great nursing in the last week and I plan to keep it up and do better every day. Wish me luck!

Eleanor in transition.

Well, the transition to big sister from queen bee has been harder for Eleanor than I'd imagined. Here are some factors:

1) She is very jealous of Josephine - as in, she wants to be held if Josephine is being held. She wants the blanket Josephine is wrapped in. She wants what Josephine is eating (bottle or breast). She wants to be in the baby seat in which Josephine is sitting.

2) Mostly though, Eleanor just wants the extra attention back and wants to be included in feeding her, dressing her, holding her, etc. She can't understand when we tell her "No" to feeding the baby. When she does get a chance to "help" with Josephine, she is really overly eager and excited. And, that puts us all a little on edge. Except for her, and then she feels dampened when we tell her to be "gentle" and end up eventually taking the baby away.

3) I am feeling an intense amount of guilt that I can't pick Eleanor up. It stinks that at a very important time for a little girl to have a mommy, her mommy has to worry about popping at staple. I miss our hugs. :o( (And, although I already love Josephine with my whole heart, I do miss the days of "momma and Eleanor" time. I look forward to days when I can put Josephine down for a nap and give Eleanor all the attention her sweet heart can handle!

4) All this change is making Eleanor run very hot and cold. She is extra sensitive to being told "no," which was never her strong point. She is quick to run to family members other than me and Bill - partly because we are the offenders and partly because she's been with them the last few days.

All this being said, I know this is a phase that will end when I am able to hold her, wrestle her, tickle her, chase her again. Then, hopefully, she won't feel as if so much has changed. Also, then it will just be me, E, and J at home. (The grammies and aunties are such superior helpers now though, during the time we need it!) We'll get back to some semblance of our routine. Also, by two weeks old or so, Josephine will be the tiniest bit stronger and I will feel less anxious about her interactions with Sweet Eleanor.

Practicing being a Mommy.

Here, Eleanor is drinking from her new Starbucks cup (her Christmas gift from Santa) and snuggling her Baby Sharon.

All roads led to Josephine.

Eleanor came bearing gifts for Josephine.

Bath time!

This first one is Josephine at five days old.

This one is Eleanor at three weeks. Just to remind me to recreate this scene in a little over two weeks!

Sun-bathing.

LOVE.

Good Thing Bill Likes Pink.

Eleanor is loving feeding Baby Sharon's bottle to Baby Josephine.

Home!

What on Earth!?!?

Happy New Year!

Josephine Marie

Josephine Marie is home! We got here about an hour ago, and Eleanor will be home an hour from now. As hoped, our C-section was completely uneventful. I am right now living that feeling of "you can't imagine they were ever not there." Josephine fits in here beautifully, at least for the last hour, haha. Either way, I think we'll keep her. Much more later!

Busy Baylys