One. So, I have changed the name of my blog, as you know if you are here. The reason? I was found out. My punk middle school kids found my blog, and were beginning to hack into my personal life, in a way that was totally intrusive. Hence, the name change. This buys me a few months before they "find me" again. (If any of you are reading this, yes, I think you are a punk. And, this blog is none of your business. You suck.)
Two. Americans are lazy. As I was lying on my couch watching TV this morning (lazily), I saw a commercial for Dunking Delights, by Keebler. They are just like any other sandwich cookie, but they hit on what I suppose must be the eternal problem - reaching your milk and getting a sufficient dip with your simple, round cookie. The Dunking Delights is simply a stretched version of your typical filled creme snack. And, I thought to myself, "How lazy and self-indulgent can Americans get? Do we really need an elongated cookie to accommodate the problem posed by an excessively tall glass of milk?" To many, the answer is probably, "Yes," when it actually comes to that crucial decision in the cookie aisle. "If I buy Oreos," you may mumble to yourself when presented with this option, "I may be forced to jam my hand into my glass to access my milk. For dipping purposes, I'll go with the Dunking Delights." Hmm.
Three. I am wondering about doctors. After speaking to three doctors in three days, concerning the same issue, I have to wonder. Are doctors the omniscient gurus many of us expect them to be, or are they simply faulted humans, who rely predominantly on presumptions and staggering intuitions?
Exhibit A - Why did you ever become an OB?
First, I called the doctor on call at our wealthy, local hospital. For accuracy's sake (and her privacy), we'll call her "Dr. Snide 'n' Busy", who I should mention I have never met, and with whom I have never spoken. I explained to her my concern, which was what I thought might have been weakened fetal movement, "So, I guess I am wondering -".
She cut me off at the pass, retorting too quickly, "Well, are you getting ten movements in two hours?"
"Yes," I replied, "but, I guess I am wondering -".
"If you are getting ten movements in two hours," said this caring physician as if I was causing her physical pain with my inane and useless concerns, "then you are fine."
"But, if I am used to getting 80, and now -."
"Ten. Now, sweetie don't hesitate to call back if you have any questions." Click.
Exhibit B - Why are you here?
At the behest of my regular OB, who was unable to make my appointment, I met with a new doctor the next day. (We'll him Dr. Tall-with-Firm-Soft-Handshake.) Accompanied by a sweetly smiling, waif-like "physician's assistant in training", he listened to my rattling off of concerns and nodded as I showed him a kick count chart, complete with hundreds of tally marks, descriptions, feelings, sensations, and phrases like "frenzied gyration". Then, adorable assistant approached me with the Doppler. Of course, as soon as she puts the plastic sensor to my belly, BBLSTM fires off ten tremendous, stirrup-shattering full body triple Salchows. The doctor literally leaned over and chuckled in my face, telling me to, "Stop worrying, and to go home". He then asked that, when counting, I look for two strong periods of movement per day. And, if I ever get one like that, to assume baby is okay. O-kay?
Exhibit C - Denied.
The very next day, under the guise of conscientiousness (a.k.a., very thinly-veiled neurosis), I called my high risk doctor. I asked the same questions, "If the movements are weak, at what point is that a problem? When should I come in? It would really make me feel better to have an extra sonogram."
I assumed that scheduling one for this upcoming week would be no problem. But, I realized I was wrong when the scheduler asked me to, "hold on a second."
And, who returns after a few moments of undoubtedly-irritated recapitulation from the scheduler? "Dr. Head Honcho," as he was dubbed by a friend who is "sonogrammed" at the same practice. I repeated my request to him for an extra sonogram, and he simply denied. Just said "no". Then, he proceeded to tell me yet another "standard" formula for counting kicks. "You should get no less than three kicks 30 minutes after a sizeable meal," he said. He then told me "not to worry", and hung up the phone.
In conclusion, I have no real consensus on how to count kicks. I have no faith in these unhelpful doctors and their inconsistent magic barometers for fetal health. And, I officially realized that I am insane. Not certified, but certifiable. Maybe. I guess the only boon of this calling splurge is that I realized all I can do is relax...maybe then I am less insane for it...:o)
8 comments:
1) i was working myself up into a frenzy completely concerned because a) myspace was gone and b) blog appeared to be deleted. so happy that you are okay. whew. (and you call yourself insane? we can be insane together)
2) i agree - this commercial kind of left me confused.
3) doctors really are just human. and medicine, in my opinion, is a best guess. yes there have been things proven in science, however all it really is, is a best guess. i too would be frustrated at the apparent lack of concern ... or rather the lack understanding for your (understandable) panicking. but yes, all you can do is the best you can do and hope. i'm finding out that there is so much in life that requires a great leap of faith ... and this is one of them. this pregnancy stuff is hard.
Okay, first things first. Doesn't every milk-n-cookie eating american know that the milk goes into a wide mouthed coffee mug? Weird.
Secondly, you are allowed to have any amount of doctors appointments and sonograms you want. **ck those doctors. So you're mildly insane. No, not insane. Been through the worst of the worst, love your babies, are the caretaker, the mother, and it is your job to be concerned and make certain they are okay, even if it is a bit over the top. Next time your doctor cuts you off, says no, remember this. They are supposed to be providing a service to you. You pay them, pay them a lot, to take care of you and yours. They are supposed to be making sure you are healthy and your babe is okay too. Go to the doctors on your terms, not theirs. And if you think something is wrong, don't take no for an answer. Even if you just want to be certain. Love and hugs to you and fam.
Glad you have found me!!! I didn't fall off the face of the internet earth - only hopefully in the eyes of middle schoolers...:o)
Annie said everything I was going to say -- only much more elequently. You are your only advocate. No one can tell you not to worry or that your fears are unjustified. There's so much more I want to write, but Lily is in the middle of a temper tantrum. Just keep advocating for yourself and Bayby when you feel that you're not getting the peace of mind you need. Big hugs!
I have to admit, I'm really kind of mad at your doctors. I'm sure they are very busy, but aren't they supposed to be busy helping their patients? Which you are one. I'm especially concerned that three doctors gave you three different measures for normal fetal movement. That's just crazy. I think I would have had to go off on somebody. Yes they are human, but you are paying them (big bucks I might add--the cost for an OB is insane)to do a job, and if that means an extra sonogram then so be it.
Don't middle school students just beat all. You are a good woman for dealing with them on a daily basis.
One: Ugh, Catherine! I am so sorry your blog was discovered by your middle school students. Ahhhhh, 12-year-olds. Some days, I absolutely loved them. Other days, I absolutely loved the idea of the end of the year when I wouldn't have to see them ever again.
Two: Ha ha! Sad to say, there is probably someone in America who stands in the cookie aisle and has that very thought.
Three: Oh, Catherine. You are not insane. Not in the slightest. I would be doing the same exact thing you are doing right now - anxiously counting kicks, making charts, and calling with every concern I had. And guess what? You're allowed to do that. It's like Annie said. Doctors provide a service, and you pay them a lot for that service. I don't see why another sonogram is out of the question. You're the patient, you want one, and that should be that.
And what is this with the three different ways to count kicks? My head is spinning for you!
reading this entry again and i also wanted to say that a lot of times i think Dr's forget what it's like to be a patient. not excusable at all, but just something that i've observed.
I completely feel your pain (by-the-way I'm one of Rachel's friends) about your doctors lack of understanding. Every time I go to the doctors pertaining my cancer, the first thing they ask me is, 'Now, why are you here today.' I'm at a radiation oncologist's office, what do you think I'm doing here, looking for a primary care physician. Try hard not to worry, it really doesn't help. I'll be praying for you.
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