A new and deepened anxiety has descended over the last few days. Exacerbating that, I woke up this morning to a strange and resounding quiet in the baby cave. Normally, I get four or five strong kicks, then I allow myself to get up and running for the day. Today? Nothing. Then, after a few minutes, one weak little movement. (What now, I suppose was Bayby's groggy responding to my goading.) Eventually, I had to get up, shower, dress, etc. After the shower, I planned to call the doctor, began preparing myself for the worst. Growing more and more frantic, Bill's optimism waning right along with my waxing anxiety, I lay down on the bed. I would wait - for a few moments, then rush myself to Holy Cross, I was sure. Luckily, at that point, Bayby decided to wake up, and has hence taken to pounding, snare-drum-style on my cervix...but not before a near-complete breakdown.
After movement began again, we allowed ourselves to cry out with grief and anxiety.
Why is this so freaking hard?
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2 comments:
Oh, Cat. I wish there was anything I could say or do to bring you comfort. Just know that Bayby will be in everyone's prayers until she's here safely. (And certainly after that as well.)I can't imagine how difficult these last few weeks are going to be for you, but I do know that you can do this. You are stronger than anyone I know.
And if you cry and freak out a few times, that's just fine.
I agree with Charlotte. Crying and freaking out, I imagine, would be par at this point. But I think this might just be a sign that you are going to have a little bugger that is going to press your buttons. A beautiful, angelic, sweet hellion. hugs and love and kisses and prayers to your lovely clan.
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