Back to school again.

I am honestly sorry for the dearth of posts over the last week. I have, at long last, been back to school this week. No full-time kids yet, but meeting, planning, drama, morale-building, schedule arranging, classroom decor, and open houses full of anxiety, angst and apprehension. But, after our retreat today, I realized that the kids are not the only ones struggling with the idea of finding a middle school identity. I too am attempting to flag and file myself with my own peers. Why is it that the particular peers in question, the other middle school teachers at my school, turn me to a shy, sniveling child? I feel like the moment I enter the room with their boisterous clique, I regress to the ways of my own awkward school years. I mean, I know all of what you may be thinking. It is hard to be shy. Also, it is hard to enter into a preexisting group of peers, particularly when they have had years to develop a particular rapport. Yet, what choice do I have? And for those of you who know me, probably half would say I am shy, and half would describe me as, I dare say, quite outgoing. And somehow, both are true. In select situations (mostly ones in which I am made to feel wanted), I adapt easily, and quickly become an integral part of the team. And, such experiences led me to believe (falsely) that I was beyond being shy. Now, I know I am wrong. I feel like an awkward teen again. Mostly, if I don't talk to you, it's because I am doing my own thing. But, with these other teachers, I would love to be included in lunchroom discussions, and more importantly, jokes! I know I don't need anymore friends, but seriously, I love to be funny. Why is it that my sense of humor is paralyzed when it comes to these potential buddies? Advice?