Have Merc(a)y. (No BS here, be ready.)

1) My first concert was the Beach Boys. At age 8, I saw them with a special guest on the drums. John Stamos. In a leather vest and pants.

2) I bite my nails. The only time in life I've successfully stopped was my whole pregnancy with Sophie. My nails were so strong.

3) I drink at least three cups of coffee a day. (Also, the only time I've stopped was my whole pregnancy with Sophie. Then, my will was strong.) I'm a better person with coffee. Anytime I would yell at my students, they would try to ply me with coffee from the teacher's lounge.

4) I am awesome at all things I don't understand. (Computers, TVs, mechanical items, etc.) If I can remove myself from the things I think I understand and acknowledge that I, in fact, understand nothing, I can fix anything.

5) I have a sailor mouth. I will cuss up a storm in the appropriate situation. All the words you wish you could say, I say them.

6) I eat peanut butter and jelly every day. Without exception.

7) I am not sure if I am more or less strange than I fancy myself. I mean, I think I am pretty strange (meaning in both the charming way and the genuinely down deep f-ed up way). And, then I think, is it self-centered to think I am the strangest person I know? (And, does it make a difference if I like that about myself?) Does my strangeness just make me average?

8) I really like kids. Like, I have almost infinite patience with them. I taught middle school and did fourth grade aftercare. Now, I watch my 12 and 10 year old nephews. And, secretly, I love it. That kind of says it all.

9) I imagine sometimes that Sophie is alive. I play out incredibly elaborate scenarios in my head of how my life would be with my two girls. And, then, those scenes stretch forward and back, and my whole life is different. (Usually it backfires, and I crash.)

10) I dream up houses in my head. To the very last detail. Type of wood flooring, wall colors, patterns on chairs, art on the walls, light fixtures, tea kettles, curtain rods, bed spreads, the candle scents, where the Christmas tree will go. And, if I want to, I can go to those houses in my brain. I remember them forever. Hundreds since childhood.

11) I add up my budget at least every day. On decorative note paper. The same budget over and over. With an elaborate system of additions, subtractions, arrows, acronyms, and abbreviations.

12) Bill is an unusual choice of mate for me. I always swore I would never marry a white man. Too entitled, too boring, whatever. I was immature. And, none of that matters, because I have never had more fun than a Thursday night with Bill.

13) I never freak out about what "I'll be." I mean, will I be a writer? Who knows. A teacher? Who knows. I think some people just have it in their DNA to care. Mixed blessing.

14) I am damn decent at a lot of things. Art. (Great drawer.) Music. (Good singer, and I can play any instrument if you show me how. But, if I f up once, never again.) Cook. Dancer. Writer. Anything kind of creative.

15) I am the absolute worst team athlete you know. I was a competitive horseback rider, ran 12 miles a day, was a purple belt in tai kwon do, could do 100 traditional push ups, and was a decent gymnast. But, as for anything "team," don't know my ass from my elbow.

16) I got a perfect score on the SAT verbal.

17) Bill says my freestyle stroke is perfect form. Just in slow motion.

18) I was totally goth from age 12 to 16. There wasn't lipstick dark enough, so I moved on to mascara on my lips. I ate hot wings (mmm, pre-vegan), and definitely soaked the bones in bleach, strung them on a necklace, and wore them to school. At 13, that's interesting. Not at 16. Brooding stops being cute about two days after it starts.

19) Last year, I bought a Bare Naked Ladies CD. Why?

20) I have a red hot temper. Like, kick a hole in the wall, smash a mug style. But, only Bill and my mom, dad, and sister have ever seen it. Lucky them.

21) I am sensitive physically as well as emotionally. If suddenly my shirt feels too tight, my hair has a knot, the music is too loud, or there is an unpleasant smell, I might flip out.

22) I like diet and regular soda the same. I can taste the difference, but they are just like two separate flavors to me.

23) I really care about being smart. If someone says anything negative about me followed by "but she's really smart," I might smile a little. I've always cared. I don't need to be the smartest, but I need to know that I could be if I tried.

24) My work ethic is often lacking. Sometimes, if something seems just too hard or too much work, I become indignant. "No fire in the belly," my dad might say.

25) I am much more lenient in terms of people's sadness since Sophie died. You just don't know what it's like to be someone else.

26) I love the Starbucks gingerbread latte. But, I am really glad it's seasonal. By March, it's one gingerbread latte too many.

27) I love getting older. Each year, I get giddy with the idea of changing age.

28) The look of Bill's snot makes me literally feel like I'll throw up. (Sharply contrasted to my love of my own snot.)

29) I licked american cheese the other day. Enough said.

30) I used to love feeling unfortunate. When my neighborhood chums and I would play, I would always be the blind squirrel, the mute pilgrim, they tragically-ill flight attendant, the quadriplegic mermaid (you can just imagine how that would look, me small and chubby, wriggling pitifully on the floor, with tights on and my legs crossed at the ankle). If there was a wheelchair, I was in it. Thick glasses, I was wearing them. A scarf and my dad's cane, I was wandering blind in the street. My poor mother.

31) I have an obsession with my socks matching my clothes.

32) Smells make me really reminiscent. For example, today I smelled and thought of my grandmother and Sophie. Good memories in smell.

33) "Bill and I sing Aaron Neville at least once a week. And, every time I feel guilty." This is because when I was a kid, there was a peacock farm behind my house. My best friend and I snuck into the peacock enclosure and stole two prize peacock eggs. As we were making for the fence, we heard a old woman's feeble voice ring from the house. "Giiirrrls, it's wrooong to steeaal." In terror, we dropped the eggs and ran. When we arrived back at my house, panting and very upset, Aaron Neville was playing on the radio. My mom must have been rocking out. She had tuna sandwiches ready for us. I was wearing a flamingo capri pant suit. I felt so guilty that now every time I hear/sing Aaron Neville, smell tuna on toast, or wear a flamingo pant suit (not often), I feel extreme shame.

34) The song I sing to Eleanor is Edelweiss. Every night, at nap time, and in the car (if she is sad). It calms her right down. I never planned it, but when she was a newborn, I just started singing it. It's "her song."

35) I smoke OPBs. That's what a teacher at school used to say to me. When, I smoke one cigarette (once every three or four months (oh, the shame)) it is always an OPB. "Other People's Brands."

36) I know the best "Would You Rather." (It must be stated that I believed this to have come from my mom. She denies any connection to this "Would You Rather." Therefore, I have no idea from whence it came. So, I can't officially take credit. (If I was my mom, I would snap that credit right up, because it is so gross and awesome. An impossible decision.)) "Would you rather slide down a razor blade or eat a scab sandwich?" (Obvious reply is "Are they my scabs?")

37) I tell white lies. Usually from awkwardness.

38) In case number 7 didn't make this sufficiently clear, I can be quite a narcissist.

39) My dream car is a Volvo station wagon. It will be my next car, for certain. And, every car on into eternity.

40) I am not religious (I was raised as an atheist). But, I pray every night before dinner. I believe, if nothing else, it is important to think healthy and warm concentrated thoughts at least once a day.

41) I do not take instruction well. Or criticism. But, I am learning to be corrected. There is a lot I know I don't know. Now, I just have to convince myself it's worth learning.

42) I am an awesome climber! Trees, rocks, indoor gyms. I love to climb. Stretch out the old legs.

43) I am pretty short. Not the shortest (wish I was, but I'm not), but 5'2". That's fairly short. But, people think I am taller, because I am not built like a shorty. My torso is short, and my arms and legs are long. (Hopefully) not awkwardly so. But, it definitely makes me look longer than I am.

44) I love Bill because he has a ridiculous laugh, wears tube socks like Kip Dynamite, and whenever he comes in for a smooch he updates me on whatever disgusting food he's been eating. (Imagine you get home and, as your husband comes toward you to kiss you hello, right as his lips near you, he says "I've been eating onions." Gross.)

45) I started eating seafood last summer. But, otherwise, I've been a vegan for 11 years. Oddly enough, as a tiny kid, I LOVED meat. Scrapple, bacon, cube steaks, rare steak, burgers, salami. Delicious.

46) I believe it is important to be accepting of people. When you (people) say words (whether to be mean, or just by default) that are bigoted or hurtful toward groups of people, that makes you a hurtful person. I may not say anything, but it makes my heart hurt. (But, I have hope, because, in that same heart, I believe people are good and people can change.)

47) I love big noses and booming voices. (Although sometimes I am a loud talker, and I hate that about myself.)

48) I only cut my hair once a year. I usually go chin length (but once all the way to the skull), and then let it grow out for the rest of the year.

49) I eat ketchup sandwiches. A hot dog bun with a thin layer of ketchup. Mmm.

50) Sometimes, when I am microwaving something, I spin really fast to pass the time. A full rotation per second. If my kitchen is clean, and I have nothing to do for the last 10 seconds of microwaving, I plant one leg on the ground and use centrifugal (or is it centripetal) force to spin on it at lightning speed.

Bonus: Sometimes when I check on Eleanor while she's napping, I use an exaggerated silent movie type sneak. Knees high, arms drawn up. Kind of creepy. But, it really does seem to be quieter to me.