Cliches, Codes, What May Be Euhpemisms.

So, the other day, Bill and I were in the kitchen, and the inevitable happened. (Keep in mind, it happens every so often.) I spilled a bit of breast milk on the counter. Now, I happened to be sane at the moment, thank goodness. Because if I was the fang-bearing wreck I've been this morning, I likely would have kicked the dog, dishwasher, chair, or breakfront - whatever was in the reachable diameter of my kamikaze legs. And, smartly, Bill looked at me, horrified, and shrank away, knowing that I am predictably unpredictable in my reactions. But, I wasn't in "that kind of mood". So, I just chuckled (somewhat creepily given my penchant for flying into a psychotic rage at the least provocation), and used the phrase, "Don't cry over spilled milk." Immediately, I had the not-so-novel epiphany that most breast feeding mothers must reach - that phrase was made up in response to breast milk. There is no doubt that throughout time women have been crying over spilled milk. Imagine a cave woman, becoming engorged while baby sleeps, and grunting to caveman for a hollowed gourd in which to express breast milk for later. And, when cave baby inevitably wakes up three minutes later, cave mother reaches for the gourd, only to accidentally knock it to the slate cave floor. She cries. Imagine, the scenario throughout space and time, tears and breast milk intermingling on hay-strewn castle floors, the dirt outside a grass hut, Formica counter tops, candle lit hideaways, and carpeted family rooms. It is not just a euphemism for something else, not a metaphor for "bucking up". It is a real life positive assertion women have been trying to convince themselves of for millenia. I guess, though, if you can keep the tears from welling up when you've spilled your baby's life sustenance that you expressed from your own body, you can take anything in stride.

Next on my list, the way people always say, "As soon as you have your baby, you won't be able to remember what it was like without her." Well, they were right. But, I always thought they meant, "It will be so wonderful that you won't be able to imagine that you ever did without." True, again, BUT, they really mean, "You literally will have a brick wall separating you from the memories of life before baby." It is not a cute way of saying that life with baby is awesome (although that is also true); it is a cute way of saying, you will become so sleep deprived and simply insane that your memory span will immediately discard anything not necessary for the multi-tasking at that very moment in time.

One more. "Sleep now to store up for when baby comes." Hmm, another lie. Sleep simply doesn't work like that. I mean, if I'd slept more three months ago, I can hardly imagine I'd be less crazy right now. What they mean is, sleep now because when the baby comes you'll never. Sleep. Again.