Happy Fourth Birthday, Sophie Salome.

Not short on laughter.

Stopped by the place you're resting.

Good cries all around.

Happy Fourth Birthday, Sophie Salome.

Played in red-brown leaves.

With the neighbor boy you'd love.

Spent family time there.

Happy Fourth Birthday, Sophie Salome.

Happy Birthday Soph.

Woke on lazy Saturday.

Dressed up to see you.

Four Years.

Today, at 8:51 am, four years ago, I was in labor with Sophie Salome.  We missed and loved you then, we miss and love you now.

More to come in quieter moments.

Stopping time.

I just finished feeding Josephine and putting her down for a nap.  While I was feeding her, she was curled up on my stomach, basically in fetal position.  Her perfect chubby legs were covered in blue striped leggings, and she was rubbing her round, bare, little feet together while she fell asleep, her fingers opening and closing rhythmically on my thumb.  Such a sweet baby. 

But, she had remnants of greenbeans on her face.  Not even baby food - she had eaten whole green beans for lunch.  And, a bit of one had become stuck to her face.  Such a sweet, growing, changing baby.

Sometimes, I wish away the hours.  I wish she could walk, because my arms get tired.  Or, I lament the frustrations of pumping at four am.  Or, I wish she could face forward in the car so I could see her sweetness.  Or, gasp, I wish she could be trusted to luxuriate with Eleanor on the couch watching Ratatouille while I write a paper.

But, moments like we just shared remind me that my Josephine is so absolutely wonderful right now.  Each day she gets closer to never falling asleep in my arms, never being comforted by my hand on her hair, never riding on my hip for hours, happy as a clam, tied to me by a friend's pashmina. 

So, I know I can't stop time.  But, for just this moment, on a rainy Friday in October, I wouldn't really mind.