Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Just a little cry desperate now toward heaven. I hope no one can see, but I have to put it somewhere in writing. I have to make it real.
Please God, let this little girl make it.
I have two daughters...
...both of whom I love.
...neither of whom I can see.
...both of whom I can speak to.
...neither of whom speak back.
...both of whom are beautiful in my mind.
...neither of whom I can hold.
...one of whom is warm.
...one of whom is in heaven.
...one of whom has infinite promise.
...one of whom is preserved in still framed perfection.
...one of whom I pray has the chance to be imperfect.
...both of whom I think of with each passing moment.
...neither of whom I can see.
...both of whom I can speak to.
...neither of whom speak back.
...both of whom are beautiful in my mind.
...neither of whom I can hold.
...one of whom is warm.
...one of whom is in heaven.
...one of whom has infinite promise.
...one of whom is preserved in still framed perfection.
...one of whom I pray has the chance to be imperfect.
...both of whom I think of with each passing moment.
Monday, February 05, 2007
I am totally disoriented...
...because it's a Girl. I have so many feelings, that I don't even know where to start. But, here she is...
So, our first befuddled reaction was, "Well, at least we don't have to buy anything..." Then, we promptly went to Babies'R'Us and spent $80.
Happy Monday.
Something I wrote on the day of our "finding out" with Sophie. (June, 2005)
My Daughter
It’s a remarkable feeling when you finally, after months of speculation, find out one true identifying characteristic of your unborn baby. Needless to say, I started crying Friday at my sonogram when the technician sang the word “girl”. I don’t need to fulfill some sort of young mother-daughter fantasy relationship, but from the beginning I felt I was carrying a female child. Had I been wrong, I would surely have been just as happy, but I felt that I knew in my heart I was having a girl, and couldn’t imagine totally redefining the creature inside me midway through my pregnancy. It was an amazing moment to know that the baby was a girl – my daughter. We had named her at the double pink line, and never looked back. We had never even thoroughly considered boys’ names, sure that we knew inside that this child was a girl. Sophie Salome.
Night settles on the day we met you
Stars rise over the moment
Making you real.
Morning light pours through the window
On another red day with you
Closer to leaving me.
Music laughs and cries in the tones of your voice
Felt only in tiny thrashing appendages
In the deep of blue womb.
Knowing this day would dawn like any other
I brace myself for your strength
And sweet, Sophie Salome.
It’s a remarkable feeling when you finally, after months of speculation, find out one true identifying characteristic of your unborn baby. Needless to say, I started crying Friday at my sonogram when the technician sang the word “girl”. I don’t need to fulfill some sort of young mother-daughter fantasy relationship, but from the beginning I felt I was carrying a female child. Had I been wrong, I would surely have been just as happy, but I felt that I knew in my heart I was having a girl, and couldn’t imagine totally redefining the creature inside me midway through my pregnancy. It was an amazing moment to know that the baby was a girl – my daughter. We had named her at the double pink line, and never looked back. We had never even thoroughly considered boys’ names, sure that we knew inside that this child was a girl. Sophie Salome.
Night settles on the day we met you
Stars rise over the moment
Making you real.
Morning light pours through the window
On another red day with you
Closer to leaving me.
Music laughs and cries in the tones of your voice
Felt only in tiny thrashing appendages
In the deep of blue womb.
Knowing this day would dawn like any other
I brace myself for your strength
And sweet, Sophie Salome.
Saturday, February 03, 2007
Almost a week late, but...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BILL! Bill is 30. An old man. My old man...:o) Here is his birthday cake. Needless to say, it didn't quite "turn out".
We stayed home and ate my famed homemade pizza (and cake with our hands, in the style of Moroccan food). Bill said the pizza was "the best one ever", but he says that everytime. Maybe, it really does just get better with each go. Either way, he loved it. (The little red sidecar is mine. The big grown man size portion belongs to the birthday boy - I mean "man"...)
We stayed home and ate my famed homemade pizza (and cake with our hands, in the style of Moroccan food). Bill said the pizza was "the best one ever", but he says that everytime. Maybe, it really does just get better with each go. Either way, he loved it. (The little red sidecar is mine. The big grown man size portion belongs to the birthday boy - I mean "man"...)
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